Saturday, January 3, 2009

Sarah Connor Chronicles -- My own worst enemy

October 20, 2008 | At: 9:02 PM
I don't know who Denise The' is, but I wish she'd write more episodes. This is the best one yet, and I had my notebook out all ready to skewer. Go figure.

Still, there was the obligatory shot of the RAM logo on the side of the truck that sponsors the show. What will future generations think when they watch these on whatever replaces whatever replaces Hi-Def DVD/Blu-Ray? "What's with all the shots of the truck's name? Is it some kind of symbolism?" Yeah, that's what you want viewers thinking -- that "dodge" is something the heroes are going to do.

Of course, it did pay off that John dodged that bullet -- literally -- else who would have saved the world from Skynet? Of course it came from his own gun he was cleaning (or was he?). Anyway, he's doing the same thing with his life. In the flashback he got all bent out of shape that Mommy forgot his birthday that they sent the robot out to get him a cake -- just then, a bad guy comes in to steal "some computer stuff" and it woulda been real handy to have a super-strong killer 'bot at about that time. Good going, selfish John. You're supposed to be The One -- like Neo or Superman or, say wasn't there some other man who was supposed to save all humanity?

Then there's the fact that if they'd left the psychiatrist alone he would've gotten killed and been unable to help Skynet "grow up." Why does Skynet need to create itself when it appears John's doing a pretty good job creating it himself?

And how 'bout that red-haired Irish bot? She's learning to be a better mother than human Sarah. That's gotta be a kick in the teeth.

Well, despite the good writing, this episode still had its moments.

First, there's the fact that nobody worried about the near-grown man tying the shoe of the unattended little girl. In the real world somebody would have screamed, "Pedophile!" -- especially with that "squirrel in the tree" line. Apparently Sarah, terrible mother that she is, still managed to have a little fun teaching John to tie his shoesies. Guess you can't save humanity if you're tripping over your Bruno Maglis.

Anyhoo, good luck for John that his head was turned away right up to the split second the red-haired Irish robot walked away.

Who was the mouse-faced 'bot with the frizzy hair they sent back this time? Did Skynet finally run-out of supermodel 'bots? Or was this the only actor the producers could find who was a contortionist? And I want to know why they don't just send back the super-duper models that can shape-shift, like Miss Red Hair? Shouldn't they always send back their top-of-the-liners? You're trying to KILL JOHN CONNER for crying out loud!

Meanwhile, Brian Austin Greene's old love interest has come from the future because she misses him and needs a break. So does he, so they wrinkle the sheets, and she wants him to come up with a new word for what they just did. Common decency prevents me from helping him.

All the while they were whatever-ing, he never noticed the pile of 8x10 glossies of spy shots of him and the Conner clan right beside the bed. After BAG goes to tinkle, she slides them under the bed. Whatever happened to the cigarette as an after-_____ing treat? 'Cause maybe ROBOTS CAN'T SMOKE!

Well, there'll be no new episodes for two weeks. And there was a skip last week, too. Maybe that's what they need for the good-writin'. Just skip every other week, dudes. The all-new Dodge Ram pickup will wait. It's got super-powers!

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