Saturday, January 3, 2009

Sarah Connor Chronicles: Product placement and the Bedell you know

October 6, 2008 | At: 11:50 PM
John Connor & Co. fight the machines with The All-New Dodge Ram pickups. Writers say, "We went on strike for this?"

Turns out there are exactly three Martin Bedells in the neighborhood: One to get killed by a Terminator robot and make the news, thus alerting the good guys to the trouble; one to be a little boy to further the ongoing story of developing Sarah's parenting skills; and one to be the right one the Terminator is trying to kill and prevent a future victory by the humans.

When will the robots figure out they never succeed in killing people in the past? They should focus on the battles in (their) present. And why do they keep sending back those old-school Schwarzenegger models that are far easier to kill than the ones that morph? Garbage in, garbage out, I guess.

When J.C. and his disciples want to check to see how many Martin Bedells might be in trouble they pull out the phone book since that's what super-intelligent machines from the future would do. Lucky for the machines, the one they are looking for is listed even though he's he's a teenager in a military academy. Even if they do let him have a cell phone at the military academy, he ain't in the White Pages.

And neither is the 10-year-old kid Sarah rescues just as bullets fly through the front door. Somehow she gets inside his locked house without notice, but the robot that could walk right through the wall has to resort to ringing the doorbell. (At first I'm thinking he's Martin Jr. and his dad's in the book, but then the 'bot doesn't try to kill daddy, so I guess not.)

John and his uncle Brian Austin Green open the tailgait of the an All-New Dodge Ram pickup then get inside the cab where they take advantage of the built-in navigation system. (Win yours today!) John is enrolled as a student, where he'll help protect the only important Martin Bedell, and the commander of the joint takes one look at the dishevelled uncle and realizes he's perfect as a fill-in instructor for the next week as he awaits a new teacher. No need to shave once you punch the time clock either. What do you think this is, a military academy?

Take two steps closer to that razor?

Side Note: Why is John Connor always conveniently absent from the flash-forwards?

The military academy has a seamstress on duty 24/7, so John and Brian Austin Green both have their fake last name "Baum" sewed onto their uniforms by breakfast. The idiot who makes a crack to the war vet Brian Austin Green about how many cool kills he has has "Pyle" sewed onto his uniform. You think they'd have stopped taking anyone from this family after Gomer.

In another story, the FBI dick is probing the meltdown at the power plant that we were reminded of in the "Previously on The Sarah Chronicles" section of the program, as well as in a passing reference in the script. The local barkeep looks likes he's been partaking too much of the product himself, but it just so happens he remembers a hot chick talking to the power plant employee who took the blame for the meltdown the night before the accident. Oh, yeah, and he also just happens to remember somebody was having a birthday party that night. Oh, yeah, and there just happen to be pictures from the party all over the bulletin board positioned right here where we don't need to move the camera or re-set the lights.

Hmmm. Let's see .... nothing, nothing nothing. Wait, who's that in the very last photo, way back in the back and just barely in the frame? Normally, she wouldn't be in focus or adequately lighted by the point-and-shoot camera's flash, but there she is: Sarah Connor.

Back to the domesticity of the Connor hideout: Good robot Cameron is making a PBJ for the 10-year-old Martin Bedell they're hiding. Neither Smucker's nor Jiff brought you this episode with limited interuption, so all we see of either jar is the Nutritional Information panel.

The 10-year-old is more worried about not doing his book report than he is about being killed, so Sarah goes through the books in the house they're summering in. "The Wizard of Oz." Perfect, Sarah says. It's her son's favorite. Oh, that's why he and Brian Austin Green have "Baum" sewn onto their uniforms.

As Sarah reads the scary story to the boy, J.C. and the whole Hee-Haw gang are fighting the Terminator sent for the military academy Martin Bedell and shot-for-shot it lines up to Dorothy and her three pals as if it were a Pink Floyd album. But really, is this story of a girl "about your age" who's life is in peril the right reading material for a boy who's been shot at and is in hiding?

Meanwhile, John and Brian Austin Green melt the bad robot in the La Brea Tar Pits as Cameron somehow witnesses this. See, sister, that's what they've got in store for the likes of you. They don't care that when you grow up you want to be a real girl.

With the bad 'bot taken to the local recycling facility for carbon credits, Sarah releases the child back into the wild, directing him to the only pay phone left in Los Angeles.

The All-New Dodge Ram Challenge!
And ... scene.

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